new day :)

my amazing new friend Amanda, who has been so there for me this past week :)

In Perú, one of the choreographies that the kids do is to a really fun song called "Locos Por Jesús" or "Crazy For Jesus". Without fail, my Peruvian mom Rosa always asks the group watching-How many of you are crazy for Jesus?!? There's usually a pretty good response. Then, she usually picks a person or two and asks them, "What is the craziest thing you have ever done for Jesus?"

It's at times like that that I am really glad that I'm translating. What would I respond? Let's see, something crazy I've done...for Jesus...um, yeah... Let's just say I wouldn't be anywhere close to passing in that category. 

Why haven't I done anything crazy for Jesus? What's holding me back from whole-hearted, sold-out living for Christ? 

People. 

Their opinions. 

Fear of rejection and abandonment. 

If I don't live within people's expectations, I will no longer be acceptable. 

If I don't live in a way that people think I'm a good person, I won't be loved. 


For so long I've been living with this fear of others-doing everything in my power to live in a way to make myself look good in front of them.  I can not bear the idea of someone I care about-some that I hardly even care about-thinking that I am crazy or finding out I'm not who I am trying so hard to portray that I am. 

I've been doing so much to "serve God" for so long, but in reality, I want others to know about it. See look, my relationship with God is great-look at the fruit in my life!  

But recently, it's been harder and harder to convince myself that. I feel myself serving selfishly and getting tired and frustrated. If God was the only one who would ever see my actions-would I still want to serve?

Pleasing other people was my idol. Appearing acceptable before people was more important than actually living acceptably before God. 

Last night, God changed my life. After so long of trying to keep up and live well all by myself, God finally got ahold of me and changed my heart. His love is amazing. I surrender my plans for my life, my deepest dreams, my control of my life, all of it...if God's radical irresistible love is what I get in exchange. The peace I have right now is hard to describe. I'm literally up for anything. I want to tell anyone that God gives me the opportunity to, about this amazing love that he has for them. Once you taste this kind of love, it's something that is worth giving up everything for. 

So I'm done living for others, and I'm definitely done living for myself. I'm gonna go do something crazy for Jesus. :)