Home

This past week I got to spend a couple days with my family for Thanksgiving. There's just something about being at home that feels "right". But ever since I got back from Perú this summer, I've been doing a lot of thinking about this idea of home.

For me, I want home to be that place where I feel protected and loved, where I feel completely at peace, and am completely content. Where everything is perfect, I can rest, be myself, and feel the joy that my heart longs for.

After coming home from Peru this summer (which is probably my closest place to this for various reasons) I came to the unsettling realization that I can’t even tell you where exactly home is for me anymore. I deeply love too many people in different places. And it's not even just a Perú thing.

Too often, I feel like I'm looking forward to the next thing. When I'm here in school, I'm thinking about Perú, missing the culture, the country, and all the different people there that I've come to love so much. I'm still happy here, and continue on with life normally enough [for me ;) ], but in the back of my mind, I can't seem to expel the thought that if only I were in Perú, things would be better somehow. I can't tell you exactly why, but something in my heart truly longs for this place.

In Perú I can honestly say I feel safer and more protected than anywhere else I've ever been. I feel a peace as I finally allow my life to slow down and refocus on what my priorities should be and my relationship with God is always strengthened when I find myself in this country. I am blessed to be surrounded by people who love me, and I have true family..both in and outside of the Scripture Union organization. However, as I was there this summer, the relationships I made and the old friends I saw only made my longing for my real family even greater. I missed being able to talk with my mom, and getting hugs from my daddy. I can't be home without my family. I missed my friends back home. Even in the midst of one of the times when I am most content, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing.

When I returned home in late July, I was so happy to see my family. Being so busy at a school that is 7 hours away, and spending my summer overseas, I really needed to be back with them for the short amount of time that I had. However, even as I was back 'home', I was surprised to discover just how much I missed my Asbury friends and the community there. And, of course, missing everyone in Perú was definitely kicking in as well. Home is still home, and it always will be, yet, somehow it isn't. There's more. It's not my only home. And my heart needs to be home. wherever that is.

I'm studying abroad in Spain next semester. I'm so excited for this new experience. But honestly,
I'm scared.

Four months is a long time. And deep down I know, its just another place I'm going to get attached to. Another place for my heart to long for when I leave. Another part of my heart that will be somewhere else..making my search for home even more unreachable.


What I am finally realizing is that in reality I’m far from home. I always have been. I believe we were created for that love, belonging, and peace of home, however our desires far exceed anything that an earthly home can provide us.

We were made for something else....somewhere else...and I finally am starting to understand that I won't ever be truly home; until I’m in heaven. And that day will, literally, be the best day ever.